Our Love
by spinergirl
Summary: Bella left Jake and her family to go to school in New York. Four years later she comes home to forks and back to the man she loves. But is it a happy reunion when she sees Jake? Trust me lemons later on in the story.
1. Chapter 1

**I am staring my first Jacob and Bella story. This started as a dream and it's been bothering me to write about it. I can't get it out of my head. So I hope you enjoy it. Thanks**

**Prologue**

I look around my room and it finally hits me. I am leaving. I am doing the right thing for me. I am going to NYU for journalism. My dream is to work in publishing. It is something I've always wanted to do. But I have one problem. I haven't told Jake yet. And I know it's going to crush him. So I decided that this week I would make it memorable for him.

I walk over to my mahogany dresser and I pick up a framed picture of Jake and me making funny faces at the camera. A tear rolls down my cheek. Jake has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I put the picture and look around my room and everything just screams Jake. The stuff teddy he won for me at the carnival when we were 15 years old. The jacket he brought me for Valentines Day when we were 18. I run my fingers on my bed. I smile when I remember the first time we lost our virginity. It was awkward and we couldn't stop laughing. We bumped our heads and we just went through with it. Even that was fun with him. We've been together since we were 10 years old. He always said we were going to get married and have a large family like mine.

I have five sisters and a little brother. A lot right? I know. My dad Charlie and my mom Renee had my older sister Rosalie, me and my younger sisters Alice and Hayden. Alice and Hayden are twins but they are total opposite of each other. Alice is into fashion. Her haven is the mall. While Hayden is very quiet and reserved and doesn't care about how she looks like me. Alice is always dragging us to malls for the latest fashion. Alice and Rosalie are very close like Hayden was my shadow. Alice was a handful for my dad. My mom. I walk over to her picture on my night table. I pick it up and my shoulders start to shake as I cry. My mom passed away while having the twins when I was six. Rosalie was ten at the time. I don't have a lot of memories of her. But I do know that my parents were together since they were children. A lot like Jake and I. They married right after they graduated high school. And a minute later they had Rosalie. But what I do remember of my mother is that she was always singing to us and dancing. I remember one time Rosalie and I were in the kitchen helping my mom make a cake. By the time we were done with the cake we all were covered in flour. It was one of my best memories of her. That was the day she told us she was pregnant with the twins. She wanted to surprise my father with a cake to tell him the good news.

After mom passed away my father took it pretty hard. He had four daughters he had to take care of. Rosalie and I did our best to help him but no matter what we did we couldn't help his pain for losing her. My mom's best friend Sue came around to help my dad take care of us. You know help with the cooking and cleaning. Rosalie and I helped her as much as we can. She taught me how to cook. So it wasn't odd to us when she was around. I loved when she brought her daughter Leah around. Leah is the same age as me and she blended well with us. Two years after my mom passed, they sat us down and told us that they wanted to date each other and asked us how they felt about that. Sue looked at Rosalie and I and said she never wanted to replace our mother. She told us that if we didn't feel comfortable in her dating our dad she would understand. I loved her more for that. I wanted my dad to love again. I hated walking by his room and hearing him cry. I know he was trying to shield us from that but we can still hear him. When Sue came around I heard it less and less until it stopped. I just looked at Sue and I can see in her eyes that she was sincere. I just got off my couch and I hugged her. She knew I accepted her and I wanted this for my dad.

My dad picked me up and put me on his laps and said I was a good girl. Now after 12 years they are inseparable. And I got a brother Seth in the mix. I love him so much. I feel so bad for his girlfriends in the future. And I mean when he is 40 he can start dating. I shake my head at that thought.

I have to leave my crazy family behind. And I am going to miss them so much. But this is what I want to do. My sisters were devastated that I was leaving. Well not Alice. All she is worried is when she is going to come visit me in New York so she can hit up the shops. I roll my eyes when she said that to me. But Hayden is the hardest. Well no the second hardest person I am leaving. She is my second half. You would think that we were the twins and not her and Alice. She was depressed when I told her that I was leaving. She's snuck into my room almost every night to sleep with me. And while she was sleeping she held on to me so tight. One morning she went crazy when she woke up and I went into the bathroom. She cried so hard when I held her. I told her that even thought I will be in New York, she can come and visit. I didn't know when I will be able to visit but I reminded her that if she wanted to come and spend the summer with me she can. I told her we can talk all the time. She begged Charlie for a cell phone and he gave her one to make her feel better.

I look at the time and realize that Jake will be here any minute. My throat goes dry. I know I should have told him a week ago and what I am doing is going to hurt him. But I had to do this way. If I let him talk me out of it I will always have that what if feeling. I love Jake and I know he's going to be my future. The last thing I want to do is hurt him but it will hurt nevertheless. And I will hate myself for doing this.

I turn my head to sound of a knock on my door. I open the door and I see Jacob Black leaning against the door jam. My heart starts to speed up. He always had this affect on me, even when he was a lanky kid. Now milk has done a body good. His short black hair is unruly and his body is right. He goes to the gym everyday and it drives me crazy. But I love the end result. I lick my lip when I look at him and he arcs his eyebrow. I start to blush. He walks into my room and grabs me and kisses me. God I love his kisses.

"Hi beautiful." He kisses the tip of my nose.

"Hey." I am breathless.

He walks into my room and he notices the suitcase and trunk by the foot of my bed. He turns to look at me.

"Bells what's going on?"

I close the door and stand behind him. I wrap my arms around him and put my forehead to his back.

"Please don't hate me." I say in a whisper.

"Why would I hate you?"

He turned to face me. I drop my arms and started to ball my fist. I know I am going to crush him right now.

"You are scaring me. Why would I hate you?" He put his finger under my chin and lifts my face so he can see my see. Tears start to cloud my vision.

"I am leaving for new york."

He took a step back and ran his hand through his hair.

"Wait what? You said you were leaving for New York? You applied to NYU?"

I didn't say anything. I drop my head and my tears betrayed me.

"But you told me that you weren't going to apply. You told me that you didn't want to leave me."

'I know I said that and it's true. But I just didn't think they would take me."

"Of course they would take you. We discussed this. I was going to work in my uncle's shop and you were going to school for journalism. We discussed this already. How long have you gotten the acceptance letter?"

I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything.

"How long?" He shouted and I jump.

"I knew three months ago."

"Three months ago!"

He starts pacing my room. I put my hand up to tell him to keep his voice down.

"You've known three months ago that you've been accepted and you couldn't tell me?"

"I didn't know I really wanted to go. It was just the past month that I realized that my time was almost up and I had to figure out where I wanted to go. And I knew it my heart I wanted to go there. I am so sorry Jake. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. But I knew if I told you would stop me."

I took a step to grab his arm but he took a step back and I drop my hand.

"I know we discussed what we wanted to do. And I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it. But I want to do this."

"You want to do this? What about us?"

"We will be fine Jake. I love you and you love me. We are meant to be."

"Bella please don't do this."

Jake turns away from me and I can see his shoulders shaking. I put my hand to my mouth and more tears streak down my face.

"Bella I am begging you please don't do this. I love you. If you go this will be the end of us."

I turn him around to face me and I see tears running down his beautiful face. I grab his face and bring it down to mine. I put my lips on his softy and he deepens the kiss.

"Please don't leave Bella. I don't know what I will do if you leave."

He begs me stay and it breaks my heart more.

"This will not be end of us Jake. I promise you."

"You can't promise something like that. Long distance relationships never work."

"I know we will be fine. They don't have what we have. You've been a part of my life and a love like ours will not suffer. I know in my heart that is true."

We stared at each other and I feel like we are taking everything about each other to store into our memory. I reach out for his hand and walk him to my bed. I lay him down to lay on top of him

"Jacob Black I love you so much. You are the air I breathe and nothing is going to change that. No matter how far away we are from each other I want to know that you are here."

I take his hand and put it over my heart.

"My heart beats for you."

I see tears roll down to his hair and I kiss them away.

"When do you leave?"

"I leave in the morning."

Hi face breaks and he cried harder. I kiss his lips. I kiss him to feel that I love him. I kiss him let him know that I am not going anywhere. I kiss him to know he is my heart.

He sits us up without breaking our kiss. He pulls the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. He sees that I am not wearing a bra and he groans. I know he loves when I don't wear one. Maybe I did this without thinking or maybe I did to make this a little easier for him. I take off his shirt. And I marvel his body. I kiss his shoulder and I hear him inhale through his teeth. He flips us over so I am lying on the bed and he's above me.

"You are so beautiful." He starts to kiss my neck and I feel my underwear start to get soaked. I reach to touch his wet cheek.

"So are you."

He leans down to kiss me. We make love and we try to make it last because tomorrow our lives will be different. I will be in New York and he will be in Forks.

**I hope you guys like this story. Please comment and add to your favorites. I will try to post another chapter this weekend. The next chapter will jump 4 years. Bella will be coming home. How much has Jacob and Bella changed? Did their relationship survive their separation? Till next time**


	2. Chapter 2

**Four years and 2 month later….**

I am finally done with school. Thank you Jesus. This last semester was killer and I wanted to pack as much stuff as I can to be done with it all. I didn't want to be in New York any longer than I had too. As soon as I got my diploma in my hand I gave my job a the café my two weeks notice and I gave my apartment my month notice. I am coming home. I counted the days to the hours to the minutes till this day will come. I get to be with my dad and Sue and my crazy sisters and brother. I can't wait to be home to hug them all. The last time I saw them was my graduation and that visit was short. Dad had to go back to work. I sit on the plane as I watch other passengers find their seats. I wish we could be in the air already. I am ready to be in forks. I love New York but it just never felt like home to me.

"You nervous?"

I look at the young girl that is sitting next to me.

"How can you tell I am nervous?"

"You are bouncing your leg and it's driving me crazy."

I roll my eyes at her. I need to relax. I pull my phone out of my purse and I flip through my photos. Flipping through the funny photos I laugh. I stop at a picture of Jake and me at the beach. I am wearing his favorite black bikini bathing suit. I am on Jake's back and we are smiling. I miss him so much. Jake and I haven't spoken in a year in half. I know. I know. I did tell him that nothing will separate us but I did everything to be in his life. Everything was great in the beginning. He came to visit me in New York when he could get time off from the shop and I went home as often as I can. I would come to forks without my family knowing. There were times where I missed Jake so much I couldn't stand it. I booked a flight and in a couple of hours I was in his arms. But all that changed and he just drifted away from me. I flip through the pictures and I stop at a sonogram picture. My eyes start to tear up.

My miscarriage was hard for me to deal with. I lost our baby at 12 weeks. One day I was spotting and the next minute I had very bad cramps. I went to the doctor and my worst fears were realized. I was losing it. But the weird thing after I lost the baby I still felt pregnant. I was still throwing up and retching at certain smells. My chest was still tender. I was very tired and weepy. Then nothing. It was gone. If it was hard for me, I could only imagine what Jake would have been feeling. We were excited we were expecting and I was ready to walk away from everything to be a mom. But one night everything changed. And Jake changed. The lost of his child did something to him and he just backed away from me.

We never spoke about what happened. He just accepted it and move on. Not only did I lose my baby but I lost the love of my life. So I just threw myself into school and work. Taking a lot of classes and working a lot of hours at work. I still text Jake to let him know I am alive but when he's ready to speak to me I will be there for him. For what I hear from Rosalie and Alice, Jake has a new girlfriend Rachel but they tell me they are on the outs. He has told them that he is on the verge of breaking up with her. They try to assure me that he still loves me and he still wants to be with me. But I know that's not true. Why hasn't he called me? Why hasn't he found out how I have been feeling about our lost? I was alone and for a while I hated him. I hated he wasn't there with me and he just cut all communications with me. But a year and a half later I forgave him. He just need time and space to deal with his emotions and I gave it to him. Maybe I could have done more?

"Hey.' The girl nudges me.

I look at her and I smile while wiping my tears.

"You ok?" She asks me with concern in her eyes.

"I'm ok." I shrug my shoulder and roll my eyes.

The girl next to me is Bree and she's the only one that knows what I went through. She's only 17 years old and she's had a hard life. I met her three months after I lost the baby. She was heaven sent for me. She saved my life in more ways than one. She's a hard ass but I love her. I came home from work one night and I saw her sitting on the steps huddle over in pain. I asked her if she was ok and the first thing she said to me was fuck off. I laugh at it now but I was scared out of my mind. I asked if she had family here and she tried to get up but she fell back on the step. That's when I saw the blood. I called the ambulance and I went with her to the hospital. She had a miscarriage. Can you believe it she was about to be 16 and was pregnant. I visited with her in the hospital everyday and she told me she only had an aunt but I never saw her visit Bree. I asked her one questions. Do you want to come home with me when you got out? She made me wait of course in Bree fashion. She isn't easy at all. So finally she said yes.

I did everything I could to gain guardianship of her. And believe me it wasn't easy. Both her parent's died from a drug overdose. And her aunt is a prostitute so I didn't feel comfortable with Bree living with her. I mean she didn't even know she was pregnant. A couple of month of fighting for her I was awarded guardianship and she's been with me ever since. It was hard in the beginning but now she trusts me and even opens up to me. We helped each other through our pain. I mean my family was there for me and they tried to give me words of encouragement but they really didn't know what I was going through. They didn't feel what I felt only she did.

"Bella you have to put your phone away."

I broke out of my thought and powered off my phone.

'I hope there are things to do in that little podunk town."

"You've been to Forks before."

'Yeah I have but we've only been there for a couple of days to a week. I mean we are living there now."

She pulls out a beanie out of her backpack. Wait. That's mine. I grab it out of her hands.

"I was looking all over for this. I thought I packed it away."

She shrugs her shoulder and put her ear buds back in her ear. I shake my head and throw it at her. This girl reminds me so much of myself when I was younger. She's even taken into dressing like me. You know the graphic tees skinny jeans and chucks or converse sneakers. She even sneaks into my room and wears my clothes. It drives me crazy but I just love having her around. She might not admit and kill me for saying this but I know she loves being around me too. Chuckling I put my ears buds on and I let Adele just sing me to sleep with her sultry voice.

"Good does it ever stop raining here? Every time we come to forks it seems like it's always raining."

I rolled my eyes at Bree's complaining. All she ever does is complain.

"Not always. It does have nice sunny days. Not all the time but we can go to the beach and have bonfires with the guys at the reservations."

"That seems cool."

I throw my arms around her shoulder.

'It is cool. I bet you they already have a bonfire planned sometime this weekend if I know Paul and the guys. They love throwing parties on the beach."

"Will Jake be there?"

My heart skipped a beat and my mouth went dry. Just hearing his name affects me.

"Yeah he probably will be there."

"Well that's something. You will have your sexy bikini and Jacob will fall on his knees in front of you and that will piss Rachel off."

I stop walking and just give her a dead look.

"Hey at least that will excite you knowing that you are making her crazy Jealous."

"Bree I don't want to make her jealous."

She gave me a yeah right look. Who am I kidding? It will make me very happy to make her jealous. She is with my man. But he really isn't mine. Is he? But seeing him with her will kill me and I don't even want to think about her hands on him or kissing him either. My face fell.

"Look Bella. I am just yanking your chain. I know it's going to be hard but don't let it get you down. You should just call Rose and go out and find a sexy guy and just forget Jacob Black."

Forget Jacob Black? How can I forget someone who is under my skin?

"Let's go. Charlie is outside. Ready to start your new life?'

I bump my shoulders to hers.

"As ready as I will every be."

We stepped out the airport and I spot Charlie wearing a grey hoodie leaning against his patrol car. A police car really? He looks so sexy leaning against the car. The girls walk by and they stare at him and I just chuckle. He looks so young but the grey hairs around his temple gives his age away. Thank God he got rid of that ridiculous mustache. A big smile spreads across my face and I run to my dad.

"Dad." I jump in his arms and he lifts me up off the ground and hugs me tight.

"Oh I miss you kiddo." He sniffs the top of my head.

"I miss you too dad. You saw me two months ago."

He puts me down and pushes me away from him so he can take a look at me.

"I know I did but I am happy to see you. How was your flight?"

"Long and I am glad it's over."

"I'm so glad your back."

He pulls me into a hug again. And I laugh against his chest.

"Me too."

I look up at his face and his eyes flicks to Bree.

"Hey Bree."

He has a big smile on his face. He loves her as much as I do. I turn to look at her and smile. I can see her face she acts like she isn't excited to see Charlie but her eyes gives her away.

"Hey Charlie." She pulls her backpack higher on her shoulder.

"Didn't I tell you can call me pop?"

She smiles and he pushes me to the side to pull her to his chest. And I smile wider. I know she isn't used to being hugged like this and she tenses at first but she relaxes and hugs him back. He pulls her back to look at her face to see his affections are genuine.

"Now ladies your chariot awaits and we will take you to the house where Sue is cooking a feast to welcome you back home. We are having a barbeque and you be surrounded by people who love you and miss you."

"How are we going to have a barbeque and it's raining right now." Bree says.

"It is going to stop and we are going to have a ball."

I groan and roll my eyes at Bree while Charlie puts our bags in the car. She chuckles and I hit her arm. She knows I hate people making a big fuss because of me.

"Come on Bells. We are going to have fun. And you don't want to hurt Sue's feelings. She's been cooking since last night."

He pouts and I roll my eyes up to the sky,

"Fine. But dad did you really have to come get us in the cruiser?

"What's wrong with the cruiser?' He asks while getting into the car.

"I think its cool pop. People will think we did something bad."

"I should have put the cuffs on Bella."

He asks as he looks at Bree through the rearview mirror.

"That would have been too funny." Bree chuckles.

"I'm glad your guys could joke at my expense."

Charlie and Bree laugh louder because I whined.

"We are off." Charlie starts and we are home.

Charlie was right the rain stopped as soon as we drive through the familiar street leading to the house I grew up and my heart swells. I am so glad to be home. We pull up in front of the house and get our stuff out of the car and we walk into the house. The house smells wonderful.

"We're back." Charlie yells as he slams the front door.

Sue runs to the front to greet us and she still looks beautiful. Her black hair braided down to her waist. I always love her soft hair. She smiles as she sees us and she wipes her hands on her apron.

"Bella. Bree. Welcome home." She pulls us both in a big hug.

"Are you guys hungry?"

She puts her hand on both our cheek and looks into our eyes. I can see the love in her eyes. I lean into her hand. I know she's not my mother but she always was there for me. She always took care of me and my siblings. She uses to always send me care packages when I was in New York. I loved coming home to a package waiting for me. If it wasn't new clothes or things for my apartment to food. She always thought about me and I loved her more for that. I hug her again and she sighs.

"I miss you mom Sue."

"I miss you too honey."

"Come into the kitchen and eat something. Bella you look like you are skin and bones, You haven't eaten much in New York. And Bree you can have more meat on your bones too honey. Charlie put their bags upstairs."

"Yes ma'am." He salutes her and she throws her arms around us and leads us into the kitchen.

"Sue this food was delicious." Bree says and throws her napkin on her empty plate.

Sue smiles and continues to chop green peppers.

"If I keep eating like this I am going to need to be rolled out of this room." Bree pats her fully stomach.

"I am going to fatten you up." Sue says and touches Bree nose.

"Not to fat." She scowls and Sue starts to laugh.

"Hey Sue."

I stiffen when I hear that voice. I close my eyes hoping it's only in my head. Bree looks behind us and looks at me. She mouth Oh my god to me. And I turn to see Jacob at the back door. Our eyes lock and my heart start to beat. It feels like it was just jump started back to life. His eyes flick to Bree and back to me. He looks at me like I am a mirage before him. It looks like he wants to walk closer into the house but he's stuck in the spot.

'I love you Bella."

I can remember the last thing he said to me when I told him I lost the baby. I can hear it like it was just yesterday.

"Come in Jacob Black you are letting the cool air out."

"Oh sorry." He stammers and walks into the house.

His eyes don't leave mine and mine doesn't leave his. He looks like he got bigger and I notice a tattoo on his arm. He didn't have it the last time I saw him. Jake looks so good standing in front of me. He's wearing the dark blue jeans I brought him in New York with a grey v neck tee shirt and black boots. I had to fight with myself not to get off this stool and pull him to me and crash my lips to his. I lick my lips and his eyes flick to my lips. I hear somebody clear their throat.

"Hi I'm Bree." His eyes flick to her and smile his dazzling smile I love. I groan in my throat.

"Hi Bree. I've heard so much about you."

Jake flicks his eyes back to me and something changes.

"I have to go. I will see you guys later."

Jake turns and walks out and my heart drops. I couldn't say anything while he standing there. Why couldn't I open my mouth? He was standing right there. The one I love was right in front of me and I was a mute. I turn around in the chair and Sue sucks her teeth. I look up at her and she touches my cheek. Did she see the pain in my eyes? When Jake looked at me when he walked in I could have sworn I seen love in his eyes. But his eyes seemed cold. Did he blame me for what happened? I have to talk to him. Not matter what we are going to have a discussion.

~~xx~~

I am so happy that Sue and Charlie threw this barbeque for us. I look at the people I left behind and I missed them so much. I see Paul and the guys drinking and laughing. I see Leah, Angela, Alice and Kim trying to get the guys attention as always. I look over and I see Bree with Seth, Quil and Embry. Bree is flirting with Embry and I smile at how cute they look. I hope Bree doesn't corrupt poor little Embry. I can't believe how much my little brother's friends have grown up to be attractive guys. There is something in the La push water. These guys just look so muscular. The sun is starting to set and I couldn't ask for the most perfect way to come home. Rosalie couldn't come to the barbeque because was having dinner with Emmett's family. I didn't see Hayden when I came home. I asked Sue and she just shook her head and said she was out with friends. It kind of hurt that my little sister wasn't here to see me when I got home. Our relationship became rocky when I left home. She wasn't the same person. I blame myself for that because my leaving had crushed her. I hear that she is giving Sue and Charlie a hard time. I tried to talking to her but she just blows me off. Rosalie also tried to step in but nothing is working.

Her grades are slipping and she's hanging with the wrong crowd. I worry about my baby sister.

"There is the man." Paul shouts as he throws his hands in the air.

I turn to see Jacob walk out the door and my heart speeds up. He changed. He's wearing his black hoodie with the same jeans and black boots and he look mouth watering. He has his hoodie on his head and he looks like a bad boy. My bad boy.

"Hey everybody." Jacob yells out and he walks to his boys and gives them daps. He turns to look at me and I get up to walk to Sue. She smiles as I approach her.

"You need help cleaning up?"

"It's ok honey. I will have the boys clean up."

I laugh because I can already hear Seth complaining on having clean up duty.

"Hey Bella." My throat closes and I try to swallow. Sue looks at me and wink.

I turn to face Jacob.

"Hey Jake. How are you?"

"I'm good. And you?"

"I'm good. Glad to be back."

"Yeah Billy told me that Charlie is excited that you are back."

What about you Jake? Are you glad I'm back?

"Yeah he waited for this day when he found out I was leaving."

"So it's so good to have the whole gang back together." Paul says as he puts his arm around me and Jake jaw clenches.

"So we are having a bonfire tomorrow and its going to be epic." He continues.

"You always say that." I say as I hit his rock hard abs.

"And it's always epic. We are going to have alcohol. Everything is better with alcohol."

"Yeah if memory serves me correctly you and alcohol doesn't mix well. Remember that time you got arrested because you decided to strip because you were too hot." I say and roll my eyes and Jacob laughs.

"That night was awesome. Please tell me your sweet ass will be there." He says and gives me his sexy grin that makes the girls weak in the knees.

"You know I will be there."

I look at Jake to see if he will be there and he gives me a little nod.

"Awesome. It's going to be epic trust me. Whoo. Bella's in." The guys cheer and takes a swig of there beers.

They never change. I am so glad for that because I would never trade these guys for anything in the world.

"What are you in for?" Bree asks me with Embry by her side.

"Bonfire tomorrow. I told you they would plan one."

"I'm going. You coming?" Embry asks Bree.

"You there I'm there."

She takes his hand and pulls him away. I look and Jake is not by my side anymore. Why can't I have a minute to talk to him?

"Beer?" I turn to see Jake holding a corona and I smile and take it. I take a sip of the cold drink.

"Thanks."

"Your welcome. I'm sorry about earlier."

"Yeah what was that?"

He chuckles.

"I thought it would have been easy if I saw you. But it wasn't. You look good."

He pulls my braided hair that is over my shoulder.

"Yeah you look good. I see you still go to the gym."

"Yeah I go religiously."

"It shows. So where's Rachel?"

His smile falters.

"She's home. I didn't think it would be ok if she came."

"Why?"

He shrugs his shoulder.

"Well I'm glad you came tonight."

"Yeah me too."

I didn't realize that we inching closer to each other. I walk closer and I just give him a hug. He still smells like my Jake. And he still feels like my Jake. I close my eyes to take him in. He wraps his arms around my waist and he sighs.

"Bella." I take a step back away from him and I shiver from the cold that replaces his heat.

"Bella." Alice bounds up to me and starts talking but I can't hear a word she's saying I just keep staring at Jake. I want to kiss him. I want to tell him I love him but the words just get caught in my throat. His eyes soften and he walks away. We spoke that's a start. I smile and look at my little sister.

~~xx~~

I haven't seen Jake today. I took Bree to the beach where we met up the guys. Bree and Embry were attached to the hip. And I had to laugh because that reminded me of when Jake and I were together. I watch as Embry and Bree running around chasing each other on the beach. Embry catches her and throws her over his shoulder and drops her in the water. She comes up and jumps on him and he falls into the water and they are laughing. He stops laughing and watches her. He pushes back her wet hair and leans down and kisses her.

I remember when Jake and I were like that. I remember Jake holding me between his legs and his arms around me while we are laughing and joking. I miss that. I miss him. My heart clenches and I close my eyes. I feel Jakes finger make a trail on my arm. He leans down and kisses my neck. I feel his warm breath on my neck. My lower muscle jumps. Jake knows how to get me there. He lowers me down on the blanket and he leans over me.

"I love you Bella. Open your eyes."

I open them on command and I stare into his warm brown eyes. He leans over me and starts to kiss me. His full lips feel are so warm against mine. My mouth opens letting his sweet tongue inside. I could kiss him all day. I love his lips. His hand leaves my hips and starts to move up to my ribs and further up to the swell of my breast. His thumb rubs my little bud and it gets hard.

"So responsive. Do you want me?" He says against my lips.

"Yes I want you. Only you Jake."

He groans and leans down to kiss my neck and my ear. I shiver as his tongue flicks my ear.

"Bella are you ok?"

I open my eyes and see Bree watching me while squeezing the access of water out of her hair. Damn it was a memory. It felt so real.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just thinking."

"Ok. Well we are getting ready to get out of here. I have my bag in the car and I will be getting ready at Embry's house."

"That's cool. Let's go."

I get up and start to fold the blanket.

I am trying to slow down my speeding heart while I am in the car. The memory of the first time Jake and I made love on the beach felt so real. I have to stop torturing myself like this. I start the car and I drive home.

I walk inside the house and I hear the TV on in the living room. I walk into the kitchen and I see Sue washing the dishes. Hayden was supposed to do it. I shake my head and I walk to Sue and wrap my arms around her waist and put my chin on her shoulder. She kisses my cheek and I walk into the living room. Hayden is sitting on the beige sectional while flicking through channels. Her black hair is in a pony tail. She is a cute girl but I don't know about her attitude lately.

"Why is Sue doing the dishes?'

She ignores me while she flicking through the channels.

"We have to help out Sue. We can't leave her doing everything? You guys have chores for a reason."

"Do you have a problem?"

She says without looking at me. I cross my arms and I lean against the wall.

'Actually I do. You were supposed to do the dishes and Sue is in there doing it. You should go in there and do them."

She turns her head to look at me.

"You can't come home and start demanding things. You can't tell me what to do."

"Oh. On the contrary I think I can. Get you butt up and go do those dishes."

"Yes general." She salutes me but goes back to flicking channels.

"Anything else?" She says while playing with her ponytail.

"Yes what is your problem?"

She looks at me.

"You. You are my problem. I wish you never came back."

Her admission was a slap in the face.

"Well I am back."

"Sucks for me."

I stare at my little sister that use to be my shadow. I knew me leaving was a problem for her but I didn't think it would damage our relationship. I shake my head and start to walk upstairs. I hear her mumbling but I don't want to get into it with her anymore.

~~X~~

"Alright ladies."

Leah says as she flips the visor to apply more lip gloss.

"We are going to have fun. Bella I don't want you to sit down and start sulking. We are going to drink and we are going to have fun. I am going to get Paul in my hooks tonight."

She hands me the lip gloss and I shake my head at her. I warned her about Paul. I love Paul but he is a man whore. He doesn't do relationship. If he has you in his sight it's only to get your pants. When she broke up with Sam she started having a crush on him. I try to tell her to leave him alone but she doesn't listen. I don't want her to get her but sometimes people have to learn the hard way. But I will be there when she does learn. She's a sister to me and I will do anything to stop her from getting hurt.

"Rosalie says she's coming with Emmett and my honey Jasper. I can't wait to see him and kiss him."

'I know honey." I say to my little sister.

"That's my song." Alice says and reaches over to turn up the volume.

I have to admit it but I'm not a Justin Beiber fan but I love his song All around the world. We start singing along with the song. Leah starts dancing seductively with her hands and I start to laugh. I love these girls. I wish Hayden would get her stick out of her ass and was with us. I know Alice misses her twin. I jump when someone starts banging on my window. I roll down my window when I see its Emily. We start to yell and hoot at Emily. She starts to dance along with the music and Sam let's her go and shakes his head laughing. I start honking the horn and we go crazy in the car.

I shut off the car and we climb out. I throw my arms around her and she puts her arm around her cousin's waist. I am so happy that Leah and Emily are ok again. It really hurt her when she started dating her ex Sam. I know it still hurts a little. As much as she loved Sam she loves her cousin more.

"The party has arrived." Paul says and lifts up his beer.

"I brought the music." Leah says.

"I hope we are not going to listen to that crap you guys were just blasting in the car." Paul says.

"Justin Beiber is not crap." Alice says.

"Yes it is crap." Embry says getting hit on his side by Bree. He kisses the top of her head.

"I should play nothing but the Beibs" Leah says while putting her radio on a log they set up for the party.

"I wouldn't if you don't want your radio on the bottom of the sea." Paul says and takes a sip of his beer.

Leah gives him I wish you would do that look. I laugh at their exchange. I feel a warm tingle in the back of my neck and I know that feeling. It is a feeling that I get when Jake is around. I look up and I see him standing next to Rachel. He looks at me and I smile. I look down and I see Rachel looking at me and she wraps her arm around Jake's waist and smirks at me. Oh this is going to be interesting. I walk over to Bree and sit down next to her. I notice she is wearing and Embry's oversize black hoodie. I see her staring at Embry while he's talking to Paul and Quil. Quil has his arm around Kimberly's shoulder. I notice how she looks up at Quil with love in her eyes. I wonder if I use to look at Jake the same way. My eyes go back to Jake and he is saying something to Rachel and her eyes cut back to me. I roll my eyes.

"Having a good time?" I ask Bree.

"Yeah this is cool."

"I knew you would like it." I bump her with my shoulder. She goes back to look at Embry.

'You really like him?'

She looks at me and blushes. Wait. Bree blushes.

"Yeah I like him. I want to take it slow. I really want to get to know him."

"I'm glad for that." She chuckles.

"Rosalie!" I look up as Alice runs to our older sister. Bree and I stand up and walk over to them

"Bella! Bree!" She pulls us in a hug and I notice the big buff cute guy with curly hair.

"I miss you guys so much." She says against my hair.

"We miss you too." I say.

"It's been so long since we've seen you in New York." Bree says.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come for the barbeque yesterday."

"It's fine. I am glad you are here now."

"Emmett this is my sister Bella and Bree."

Emmett pulls me into his arms and lifts me up on a bear hug. I start to laugh.

"Hi Bella. So glad to finally meet you."

He puts me back down on my feet.

"You too."

"And the guy our baby sister is sucking face with is Jasper. You'll meet him when they are done." Rosalie rolls her eyes.

A guy with messy hair walks towards us. He is cute.

"Bella this is Emmett's brother Edward. Edward this is my sister Bella."

"Good to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine." He pulls my hand and kisses it. He gives me a crooked smile. Such a charmer. Rosalie takes them around to introduce them to everybody.

"Who is that guy with Rosalie?"

"Which one?'

"The gorgeous one with the sexy bed hair."

I chuckle.

"That's Emmett's brother Edward."

"He looks good enough to eat."

"He's alright." I wink at her.

"I need a shot."

"Fuck yeah. Boys we need a shot."

"Shots!" Paul yells out.

He sets us up with shots. We toast to good times and we down them. The drink burns my throat and warms my stomach. A couple more and I will be just right. I raise my shot glass to let Paul to hit me up again.

"There's my crazy girl Bella."

I smile and I down the second shot. I hiss through my teeth.

"Come back if you want more." He winks at me

Hell yeah I will be back. I grab a beer and go to sit back down at the log I shared with Bree. I look at Jake and he's looking at me. I want to go over there and grab his face and kiss him to show Rachel he is mine. But he's not mine.

"Is anybody sitting here?" I look up at Edward.

"Nope."

I scoot over to give him room. He moves closer to me and I can smell him. And he smells good.

"I've heard a lot about you."

"Yeah?'

"Your sister doesn't stop talking about you. It's like Bella this and Bella that."

I laugh.

"So you just came home from New York."

"Yeah yesterday."

"Didn't like New York?"

I stare into the fire in front of me.

"I love New York but it wasn't home. It is so different then Forks. It truly is the city that never sleeps."

"So you graduate from college so what's next for Bella Swan?'

"I am looking for jobs at publishing houses. It's something I've always wanted to do. I always would like to write a couple of books."

"A writer?" He takes swig of his beer.

'What about you? What's your last name?" I chuckle.

"Cullen.'

'What's next for Edward Cullen?"

"I am going to start medical school soon."

I'm impressed.

"A doctor?"

"Yes."

"Very interesting. What kind of doctor do you want to be?"

"I am stuck between two specialties. I would love to be either a pediatrician or obstetrics."

"Wow you want to deliver babies."

"Yeah my dad is a neuro surgeon and my grandfather is a heart surgeon."

"You're following in their footsteps. That's cool."

'I think so."

"Your parents must be so proud."

"I think it was more expected. It was installed in me since I was a baby."

"That must suck?"

'Nah I am excited in going down that road. Emmett expressed early on that it wasn't for him. I think my parents would have loved both their kids to become doctors."

"What about your mom?"

"Mom is a third grade teacher. She loves being around her kids. I hear your dad is the chief of police. How was that growing up?"

"It was cool. Dad is awesome."

"I bet you had to walk in a straight line with him."

"Not with Rosalie and I. If dad was to find out the things we've done when we were younger he would really blow his top."

Edward starts to laugh. He leans closer to me.

"Why is that guy staring at us?"

"What guy?'

I knew the answer to that question.

"That guy over there. He looks like he wants to snatch me away from you. Or maybe he wants to snatch you up."

I look over the fire to see Jake staring at us. I look at Rachel and she's talking to Rosalie. I can see by my sister's body language it's not a good conversation.

"That is my ex Jacob."

He cocks his perfect eyebrow.

'Your ex?"

"We have history together."

"That explains why the girl is shooting daggers at you."

I look over and see Rachel and Jacob watching us.

'Yeah that's his girlfriend Rachel."

"And the story gets interesting."

"Not for me."

I say it low that he doesn't hear me. I take off my beanie and run my fingers through my curly hair.

"You have beautiful hair."

He reaches up to touch the ends of my hair.

"It's as soft as it looks."

I stare into his green eyes and he leans closer to me.

"Bella can I speak to you for a moment? Please?"

I close my eyes. Great.

"Sure Jake."

I open my eyes and give Edward an apologetic look.

"Please excuse me."

"No problem."

I get up and follow Jake. He grabs my arm and pulls me away from prying ears.

"Ouch."

I pull back my arm.

"What's going on Jake?"

"What are you doing?"

"What are you talking about?'

Jake starts to pace back and forth.

"What are you doing with him?'

"We are just talking? Why does it matter what I do with him?'

"I don't want you to talk to him."

Is he serious?

"Excuse me?"

I cross my arms.

"I don't want you talking to him. I don't like that guy. He looks sneaky."

'Oh that's rich. You're calling him sneaky. Does your girlfriend know you are talking to me right now?'

"It's not about her. It's about you. I don't want you talking to him. It looked like he was getting ready to kiss you."

He is really serious.

"And if he was going to kiss me."

"And? You were going to kiss him back?"

"I don't see any other guy showing me an interest."

"I don't like it."

"You don't have to like it Jacob Black. I haven't heard from you for a year and half. You have a girlfriend. A girl I might add who made it her life's mission to make my high school years hell for me. And you know this. You could have any other girl. Why her? Haven't you hurt me enough?"

"It isn't like that Bella."

"Please explain how it is. Enlighten me."

"I..." He shut his mouth before anything would come out.

"You what Jake?"

I look at him and I can see him struggling. He runs his fingers through his hair. I just want to wrap my arms around him and ease his struggle.

"You what?"

I wait for his answer and I throw my arms up in frustration.

"I'm out of here."

I walk away and he grabs my arm to stop me.

"Bella wait."

I pull my arm out of his hold again. He has to stop doing that.

"What?" I say without looking at him

He doesn't say anything. He walks up behind me and I can feel his heat coming off of him. And I can smell him. I close my eyes to stop myself from turning around and throwing myself in his arms.

"Please." I say in a whisper.

"I can't do this. It's too hard. You moved on please let me do the same."

"Do you want to?" His voice sounds husky.

"Even if I didn't want to move on. I have to. You did."

There is so much I want to say to him. I would love to have his arms around me and tell him how much I love him. But it wouldn't be right. I knew what I had to do. It would be the hardest thing I would have to do but it must be done. I put one foot in front of the other and walked away. My heart dropped but it is for the best. I walk back to Edward and he smiles at me. I sit next to him and my shoulder drops with the weight of my pain.

"Is everything alright?"

I watch Jake walk to Rachel and say something to her and they start to leave.

"No but it will be."

"Bella I would like to have lunch with you tomorrow. I would like to get to know you better."

I watch Jake walk away and I want to cry.

"I would really like that."

I give Edward a fake smile.

'Give me your phone and I will put in my number."

He gives me his phone and our hands touch. But it's not his touch I want to feel. I put my number into his phone. Here we go. I hand it back to him and Jake disappears from my view. My heart split even more. Did I do the right thing?

**I hope you guys like this story. Please read my other stories. Also please add and comment. I love the comments. Till next time.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it has taken me so long to post another chapter. My life is very hectic so please bear with me. I will get the chapters out as soon as I can. I hope I don't lose anybody for these long waits. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. On with the show.**

I step into my room just fresh out of the shower and my phone is ringing. I tighten the green towel around me and I reach for the phone.

"Hello." I push my wet hair out of my face.

"Bella!"

I pull the phone from my ear so I won't go deaf.

"Hey Paul."

"What are you doing?"

"Just got out of the shower. What's up?"

I mentally cringe when I said that.

"Hmmm. Couldn't wait for me Bells?"

Great now he's going to picture me naked. Wonderful.

"Paul!"

"Hey listen I am on my way. The gift is done."

"Great." I clap my hands.

"Is Bree there?"

"No Embry picked her up 20 minutes ago. So the coast is clear."

"Great I'll be there in a few."

"Alright. See you then."

I pull the phone away from my ear to end the call and I hear Paul say my name.

"Hey Bells."

"Yup."

"Stay wet and naked till I get there."

"Paul you are disgusting."

He starts to chuckle.

"You know I love you Bells."

"Love you too Paul. Hurry up."

"Alright. Alright."

He ends the call and I start to laugh. I shake my head at my crazy friend and start to get dressed.

I hear Paul going crazy on the horn. I run the window and I see Paul out of his truck waving me down. I smile and shake my head. When I step out of the house, Paul is pulling the bike I asked the guys to build for Bree. I know she's going to go crazy when she sees it. I brush the cool blue bike. I know blue is her favorite color.

"This is amazing."

I run my fingers along the handle bars. I take a step back from the bike and I see Bree's name in script on the body. I smile.

"You guys did an amazing job on the bike."

"We didn't do anything. It was my entire cousin's doing?

I look up at Paul who is leaning against his black truck.

'What do you mean?"

He shrugs his shoulders.

"When I told Jake that you were coming home and you wanted Bree to have a bike he did everything himself. He found the bike and he worked on it on his free time. He called me this morning and told me it was ready. So here it is."

Jake did this. What am I suppose to do with this information?

Paul walked up to me and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Bells. You know he is crazy about you and he will do anything for you."

"Paul don't."

"Don't what?"

'It's nice that he did this but what Jake and I have is over."

The words coming out of my mouth tasted bitter.

"Yeah ok. If that's what you want to believe. You and Jake will never be over. There is something between you two that is buried deep inside your skin. No matter what you guys do it will never get out."

I look up at Paul and can't believe what he is saying to me right now. I bump his hip and laugh.

"Since you want to be so deep Paul Lochte, what about you?"

"Me? I'm perfect."

I roll my eyes.

"What about you and Leah?"

Paul takes a step back from me.

'Leah?'

"Yeah Leah. You know my sister."

"What about her?"

Paul eyes drops to his feet and a hint of red flashes across his cheeks. Paul and Leah always had this weird relationship. They always crushed on each other but they never took that step to be with each other.

"When are you going to claim her as yours?'

'I can't do that."

I fold my arms across my chest.

"And why not? What are you afraid of?"

He raised his eyes to mine. I tilted my head to get a better look at him.

"Of hurting her. I'm not good enough for her. I will just mess everything up."

I've never heard him say something like this before.

"I care about her. I am attracted to her but being with her wouldn't be good for her."

I stepped closer to him and put my hand on his shoulder.

"What if being with her is good for you."

His eyebrows scrunches like he is really thinking about what I just said. I look behind him when I hear the sound of a car rolling on gravel.

'Just think about it. I know you both have feelings for each other. You never know."

I squeeze his shoulder lightly and I smile up at him.

"What's this?" Bree says as she gets out of the car and walks up to us with Embry following close to her.

"Well..." I say as I lean on the bike. "I got you a little gift."

"That's for me?" She says as her eyes widen.

"It has your name on it." Paul says with a wink.

"Oh my God. You got me a bike?"

"Looks like it." I say and looking at my nails like I could care less. She throws her arms around me and I grunt from the impact of her body hitting mine. She jumps up and down saying thank you over and over. And I smile because I love to see that big smile on her face. She pulls Embry so he can take a closer look at her new bike.

"Do you like it?"

"Like it? I love it.

Bree says as she runs her hands on the bike. My smile widens.

"Well we can go up to the spot to open her up?" Paul says and walks to his truck.

"Ohhh can we?'

Bree looks at me and starts jumping up and down again.

"Can we? Please Bella."

"I don't see why not."

She hugs me again.

"Perfect. We are all meeting up at the spot." He says and pulls out his phone and texts someone.

"Paul?"

He tries to look innocent but I should have known he had something up his sleeve. I groan and tell them I am going to change to my jeans. I walk inside huffing.

I walk outside and I see Embry showing Bree how to work the bike. She watches what he is doing while biting her lower lip. A habit she picked up since she's been with me.

"Looking good Bells."

I changed into a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a black tank top with my black converse.

I courtesy at Paul and he chuckles at what I did. I walk to the garage and I see my black bike. My baby. God how I missed riding it.

"Jake has been taken care of your bike too,"

I close my eyes and exhale.

"Why are torturing me Paul? Do you like seeing me miserable?"

"Not at all. I just want you and Jake to put your bullshit aside and get back together again. You know keeping the balance."

"What?' I say while making a face at him.

"The balance. All that will be right in the world. Do you thing he's really happy with that bitch Rachel. God I will throw that man a party once she is out of our lives. I didn't think I would have hated that girl more than high school than I do right now."

I laugh and walk to push the bike out. And I have to admit the bike looks pretty good for not being ridden for a while. Jake always did those types of things for me. If we were going riding, He made sure that nothing was wrong with the bike so I wouldn't get hurt. I love… I mean loved how he always protected me. The time I really need him to protect me he turned his back on me.

"That's your bike you told me you helped fixed up with Jake?" Bree says

"Yup this is the one."

I get on my bike and my heart smiles. I love riding my bike. I always felt so much peace when I was on her. I would ride and look over and Jake would be right by my side on his red bike. We would ride for hours. I put the key in the ignition and she rumbles to life. I can feel the power running through the machines and roll my shoulders. God I missed this.

"Are we ready to ride?" Paul says.

I turn to Paul and watch him get on his bike he had on his truck. He is a slick one that guy,

"Yeah let's do it. Hey Embry."

He turns to look at me as Bree climbs behind him on her new bike.

"You break her I break you. Got it?"

"Yes Ma'am." He tips his head to me and kicks the stand.

Embry revs the engine and pulls off with Bree squealing in delight. I look at Paul and laugh. He starts his engine and I drive off. The wind blows on my face making the loose hair that fell off my messy bun hit my face and I start to smile. I miss this feeling of feeling free and for a moment the pain in my heart and memories eases off me. Nothing matters when I am riding my bike on the familiar roads to our spot.

I look to my left and I see Paul next to me.

"Welcome home Isabella." He says and winks.

I laugh and he peels off. I look at the surrounding that I have rode through millions of times since Jake taught me how to ride my bike. A fallen tree is in the road and I easily avoid the debris. I turn right on another dirt road and I follow behind Paul to the spot we all ride our bike and quads. As we ride through the opening of the clearing I pull my bike next to Paul and I turn off the engine. I realize I am breathing heavy. I love the adrenaline that rushes through me when I ride.

"That was awesome."

Bree rushes to me as I push down the stand.

"Oh my God I thought Embry was going to hit that big branch back there."

"Naw I know what I am doing. Ready to learn to ride?"

"Of course."

Embry pulls Bree to her bike and I look at Paul and he is holding the handles of his bike with white knuckles. I look to see what has gotten Paul so upset and I see Leah talking to her ex Eric. I look back at Paul and he clenches his jaw. I chuckle and walk to him.

"See how you are feeling right now. This is the same way Leah feels when she sees you with other girls."

"I need a drink." He gets off his bike and walks off.

I look around the clearing and I see people riding around racing each other. I see girls leaning on guys bikes to get their attention. A familiar tingling hit the back of my neck and my heart starts to speed up again. I look around and I see Jake sitting on Quil's truck finishing off his beer. Next to him is his bike and I smiled. I walk to the truck and reach in the cooler and pull out a beer.

"Hey." I say and trying to twist off the top and I am having trouble doing it.

"Hey yourself." He says and takes the beer from me and opens it with his key.

I thank him when he hands it back. I jump on the back of the truck and I am hit with Jake's spicy smell.

"Thanks for Bree's bike. I really appreciate."

"It's nothing. I had free time to do it."

We sit in silence and I feel him take a deep breath.

"Bella I'm so sorry."

"Not now Jake. Please."

He turns to look at me.

"Please let me get this out. I am so sorry for everything. I'm sorry that I have hurt you."

I turned to look at him and I can see the pain in his eyes.

"I am so angry with you Jake."

"I know. I am angry too. I am angry with myself that I didn't handle the situation better."

"I can't do this now."

I get off the truck to walk away.

"Please Bella we have to talk about this."

I have my back to him.

"I don't want to talk about it. It' happened. There is nothing we can do anymore."

"So that's it? We can't even talk about so we can move pass this?"

I turn to look at him and he is so close to me. I breathe in his familiar smell. I close my eyes.

"Move pass what exactly Jake?"

"I hate this. I hate that I can't even talk to you without it being a fight. I miss talking to you Bella. I miss us being us. I look at you and I see the anger and the pain in your eyes."

"You left me alone! When I needed you left me alone. How can I get past that? You did. Where's your girlfriend?'

"Where preppy boy?'

"Don't." I put my hand up to stop him form speaking."

"Don't do that. Don't act like me moving on is a problem for you. You did. You have a girlfriend. So I am following your lead. I gave you time to talk about it. And you never took it. I didn't want this. I didn't come over here to argue with you. I just wanted to thank you for the bike. And now that I did, I'm going to go."

I turned to walk away and Jake grabbed my hand and pulls me to him. His lips crashed to mine and he kissed me. The kiss was hungry and rough. I can taste the faint of beer on lips and salt. I didn't even know I was crying. I was kissing him back and my whole body just exploded with feelings I haven't felt in a year and half.

Jake groans and pulls me closer to him. I have to stop this. I can't let this go on. But my body wasn't following with what my head was telling me. He just feels too good against me. I open my eyes and push Jake back. My hand had a mind of its own and I slap him across his face causing his head to jerk back. The guys start making noise and talking crap about I did. Jake swings his head back to me and gasp when I see the pain in his eyes. I put my hand to my lips. I can feel his soft lips against mine and turn to walk away.

He kissed me. Jake kissed me. And I responded to his kiss. I run to Paul and tell him that I am leaving and to keep an eye on Bree. He nods his head and I jump on my bike and I ride home. Jake is right. In order for us to get over what we are feeling we really need to sit down and talk. But right now wasn't the time to talk. I drive away leaving the party behind me. I just need to go home and crawl under the covers and sleep the rest of the day away.

I turn in my bed and I open one of my eyes and look around the dark room. I turn my head to look at my alarm clock and I groan. I fell asleep without eating dinner. Why didn't anybody wake me? I stiffen when I feel an arm fall across my waist. I turn my head and I see Jake next to me. He is asleep on his side and I stare at his face. He looks so young asleep.

"Jake."

He doesn't move. I say his name a little louder. Not loud enough for the people in the house to hear. And he still doesn't move. I remove his arm and turn to face him. I shake his shoulder.

"Come on Bells. Let me sleep."

I hit his arm.

"Quite hitting me."

That did it. He opens his eyes to look at me and my heart skips a beat.

"What are you doing here?"

"I snuck through your window to talk to you but you were asleep. You looked so peaceful so I slid right next to you."

I blush when I realize what I am wearing. My black tank top with no bra and my black boy shorts.

"You have to get out of here. Now."

'No way." He pulls me closer to him.

"You can't be here."

"Why not? We used to do this all the time. We used to talk and do other things if memory serves me correctly.

"Key word used to. As in not anymore. You have to go."

I sit up and try to push him out of my bed. He exhales and runs his hands through his hair.

"Please Bella. We have to talk."

I get out of bed and I start to pace my room.

"I can't take this."

He walks around my bed to stand in front of me. I look into his sad brown eyes and I can see the pain on his face. He reaches and wipes the tear that is streaming down my face. I back away from him because his warm touch is driving me crazy and I need to put distance between us. Ever since that kiss that's all I can think about. And If I step closer to him and I smell him I will do something I will regret.

Jacob closes his eyes when I take a step back.

"Bella I know I did a shitty thing. I left you alone when you needed me the most but I was just thinking about myself. And it kills me everyday that I let you down and I hate myself everyday for what I did. I am not going to lie to you but when we lost our baby it killed me. I know it probably wasn't as hard as what you were feeling. But talking to you and hearing the pain in your voice and the way you were crying it killed me even more. I thought that if I just gave us time to heal from our lost that we could come together and we can heal together. I know it's stupid but I just couldn't be strong for the both of us. I am a man and I can admit that I was weak. I couldn't be that rock for you that I knew you deserved but by the time I realized my mistake I messed everything up. I tried to talk to you to clear everything up but you never answered any of my calls or returned any of my messages."

I remember those times. I was so angry and hurt by what he did that I didn't want to hear from him. I just wanted to be left alone. Then I met Bree.

I stepped closer to him.

"I loved you more than anything and you just hurt me. I was angry with you for a very long time and I hated you for what you did to me. If only you would have talked to me. I didn't need you to be my rock. I needed you to be there for me. Just be by my side. That's how we heal for our lost. But you didn't talk to me. And we used to talk to each other about everything. I just needed you there to hold my hand and tell me that even though we are hurting right now but our love would endure anything. I believed that. But then you were gone. Nothing. Not a word and that hurt. That hurt more than losing our baby."

I hunched my shoulder and I cried. I cried for my baby and I cried for the man that I will always love but can not be with. He walked up to me and pulled me to his chest and let me cry against his chest. He walks me to the bed and lays me down. He lay down and pulls me closer to him.

"What are you doing?'

I look up at him and I see tears in his eyes. I reach up and wipe the tear away.

"We both need this."

"You need to go."

"Shh." He says and runs his fingers through my hair and rubs my back to comfort me.

"Why are you doing this? Please just go."

"Bella. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I feel him shaking and that starts me crying.

"Just go Jake. Please."

"I need this. Please just let me hold you. I miss you and I need to hold you."

I exhale in defeat. I snuggle closer to him and he kisses my forehead. He just keeps saying he's sorry over and over. I close my eyes and I can feel his warmth coming off from his body. I can lean my head up and kiss him and everything with be alright but I can't. My body feels stuck. I know that will not fix what happened between us. Jake hurt me more than anybody can hurt me and all I want to do is move on. And maybe in the future there can be something between us but right now I have to silence the need for him that is screaming through my body.

I lift my head on my pillow and Jake and I are just staring into each others eyes. I love him so much. God how much I love him but right now I can't will my body to move to look away from the hurt in his eyes. I reach over and I smooth is eyebrows. He closes his eyes when I trail my hand down his cheek. He leans into my hand. I always dreamed about how our life would have been if we had the baby and got married. And the nights after we put the baby down for the night we would climb into bed and just stare at each other for hours before and after we made love. We would just lie there together and just kept touching each other and kissing each other and just lay in silence before sleep took us.

I feel that our life would have been peaceful and happy with each other. I always felt that Jake was the one for me. But now I just don't know.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks in a whisper.

"I'm thinking about how our life would have been if we had our baby."

"How do you see our life would have been?"

He puts his forehead against mine.

"I see us loved and happy."

"We can get that again."

I shake my head.

"We love each other Bella."

"It doesn't matter anymore. You have a girlfriend."

Just then I can feel his phone vibrating and I already know who it is. He reaches into his pocket and looks at the caller id. Then Jake does something that surprises me. I sit up and watch him walk to my open window and throw his phone out of it. He walks to my bed and it dips from his weight as he kneels in front of me and he grabs my arms so I am facing him.

"I don't care. You Isabella Marie Swan are mine as I am yours. If I have to prove that to you till the day I die then I will. I messed up and I am here to right the wrong. I've always loved you only you."

I am shocked by his confession to me. He kisses my forehead again and lays us down on the bed. He pulls me closer to him as he spoons me and he kisses my bare shoulder.

"Sleep my love. I am not going anywhere anymore."

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep in Jakes arms with his confession playing over and over in my head.

**I hope you guys like this chapter. Please comment and add to your favorites. Thanks guys. Till next time.**


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